Forever Missed

Forever Missed

I understand more and more the weight on your shoulders reflecting under your eyes.

I am grateful for this understanding and for the way you carried that weight.

Always humble in your actions, despite the numerous distractions.

Never will I meet another human such as you, you taught me the limit is the sky adorned in blue.

I stumble through this life without you, I know you run through my veins, but I’m merely human, Dad, I want you here again.

I feel lost without you, but I don’t want you to worry. I am strong as you and Mom taught me, but I am weak as time moves on, its hard to explain. I am angry and sad and joyous all in one. Angry that I can’t see you before me, but understanding you were needed elsewhere, and feeling bad for feeling angry about it, as I realize how important you are to the World. I am sad because I miss you and I took advantage of having you near and not telling and showing you and thanking you for what you always did for me. I am joyous for having the time I did have with you. I’m all mixed up Dad! I am thankful for everything you and Mom taught me & I am so thankful for what I was sheltered from and to have the opportunity to see goodness. I am sad to know that not everyone is kind, not even many are kind, I want to see better, but it is not there Dad, it is sad.

I don’t want to be a selfish person, so I settle with my own sadness and anger that I can no longer see you before me. Thank you so much for teaching and guiding me into what is right and wrong, and to be humble and confident, and to strive for balance and understanding to the limit of what we can.

It comes down to this, I greatly miss and love you, and always will. I do not believe that time heals things at all, but that’s just me. I will miss you every day and I just want you to know that, and I will not wallow in self pity or anything near that, I will continue moving forward as always, just with you in my mind 😃

I love you Dad!

 

Simple Awesomeness

Simple Awesomeness

An easy way to settle back down to simple Awesomeness. A small batch of morning glory seedlings transferred from a neighbors garden grew from tiny withered leaves into an amazing spectacle full of gorgeous blooms throughout. These plants do not require much of anything. Our water hose would barely reach to the area, so they received miniscule amounts of water throughout the hot summer months, but yet still produced in a fantastic manner.

Receiving most of its requirements from Earth and Sky, this plant not only has served as ornamental, but also as an attractant to numerous butterfly, moth, bee, and beetle species. I would assume it fed these species as well, but not without a helpful gesture in return of pollination. Another species that was very well fed (and most likely housed as also) by the morning glories was the grasshoppers.

As well as the morning glories thrived through the summer, they also appear to have a grand tactic of winter survival. The Frost has arrived and yet only the tops of the money glories were affected. The underside of the plant is fighting through. Even more enchanting, the plant is still producing blossoms.

This really helped me to ground myself by realizing our true needs are so easily lost. And by taking a moment to really think about something that seems to happen so simply, and put it all into perspective, our lives sometimes are all clogged up with crud, much of the crud and things we don’t even need. If we could take the time to bring it back to some more basic things, maybe we would find that is really a happier, more fulfilling way. This doesn’t even have to be everyday spent like that, maybe just a day a week, part of a day, or during a break from work or something. I’m going to try this.

 

So I ask you, World? Any suggestions for bringing it back to the basics? Short term, long term…

Have a super day World!

Kittens again!

Kittens again!

We had a cat that started coming around the house and we were trying to not feed it so it would go home (assuming it had a home, has a little purple collar). Anyway, it wouldn’t leave, it was here everyday and night. Finally I felt horrible for it, so I would feed it small portions in morning and night. However, one night, we were sitting on the porch and the cat approached us with something dangling from its mouth, automatically I thought it was bringing us something dead as cats would, but to my surprise, it was a kitten! She carried it up the porch and placed it between us and looked at us with her gorgeous eyes as if to tell us she is not just fending for herself, she had kittens to tend. I almost cried, what a good mama. So of course I poured her a huge bowl of food and fresh bowl of water. Animals amaze me, they make communication so simple sometimes, its a wonder why humans can struggle with it so often. So, we now have another cat, and her 2 beautiful kittens.

Happy Father’s Day Dad & World

Happy Father’s Day Dad & World

Dear Dad,

There are so many conversations I would love to have with you. One thing is the technology Dad, it blows my mind and I know you would also find it to be very intriguing. From the oversized servers, green screens, and manual commands, far far have we come. And by no means does this eliminate the need for programming, it just causes one to have to open up to new vision, recap everything you know about computers, realign everything, and then take a deep breath in realizing the large jump taken, and jumping into it.

Of course I would love for you to see all the children in the family and watch you dangle them from your strong arms as if you were a jungle gym for them, as you did for us, and Dad, I have a ping pong table now! I would love to play a match or 50 with you! I rarely play, I guess I’m just too busy, but you always made time to play with me & I really appreciate that 😉 and I use the wink face there because you always made that face to me.

Dad, thank you so much for choosing Mom as your partner (or maybe Mom choosing you as she is pretty strong-willed and super loveable so how could you resist haha). She is the best mom in the world and together you are the best parents one could ask for, truly.

Dad, I know you are here with me, I’ve had so much time to realize this, you run through my blood, my breath, and my actions and choices everyday. I am so very thankful for this. But Dad, just every once in awhile, I just want to be like my youngest child and wonder if just maybe you’ll come back, just maybe I can see you one more time, maybe I could feel you bonk me top of my head as you always did, maybe I could sit on the porch and gaze at the stars and enjoy the quiet as we did so many nights. Just maybe Dad.

I know I haven’t always made the right choices, I know I’ve become a hardened person, and I want you and Mom to know this has nothing to do with my up-bringing, this is just how I have allowed myself to be and deal with some instances in life, probably many instances, and it was not my intention to be so hardened. It irritated me for a long time that I would have allowed my parents hard work on me to just be washed away. However, over time, I have found that not to be completely true. I am still here, much of me is tucked away in a tiny impenetrable glass bottle, only to be shared at my free will. So if you’re looking for me, you will find  me in the echoes of my laughter during a Nerf War with the kids, during  a Nerts game with the kids (which I would love for you to play, its a mix on solitaire that you taught me), and during a dance party, and also on the occasion when work gets a little too stressful, I am in the sudden burst of laughter at something in my mind that makes me laugh to ease the stress. And when I rest almost breathlessly in the awe of the stars, planets,and moon. And also, the true me can be seen in a glimpse of the uncontrollable tears running down my face when I have to tell the children things like the kittens have passed.

I love you and miss you more than words can ever describe, but I do not want these words to slow you down, or hurt you, you and Mom have raised me to be the strong person I am today, and I am fully capable of handling what instances of life we seem to create, but rather, I want these words to show just how loved you are Dad!😃

So Dad, just maybe I will see you in my dreams tonight.