There are so many conversations I would love to have with you. One thing is the technology Dad, it blows my mind and I know you would also find it to be very intriguing. From the oversized servers, green screens, and manual commands, far far have we come. And by no means does this eliminate the need for programming, it just causes one to have to open up to new vision, recap everything you know about computers, realign everything, and then take a deep breath in realizing the large jump taken, and jumping into it.
Of course I would love for you to see all the children in the family and watch you dangle them from your strong arms as if you were a jungle gym for them, as you did for us, and Dad, I have a ping pong table now! I would love to play a match or 50 with you! I rarely play, I guess I’m just too busy, but you always made time to play with me & I really appreciate that 😉 and I use the wink face there because you always made that face to me.
Dad, thank you so much for choosing Mom as your partner (or maybe Mom choosing you as she is pretty strong-willed and super loveable so how could you resist haha). She is the best mom in the world and together you are the best parents one could ask for, truly.
Dad, I know you are here with me, I’ve had so much time to realize this, you run through my blood, my breath, and my actions and choices everyday. I am so very thankful for this. But Dad, just every once in awhile, I just want to be like my youngest child and wonder if just maybe you’ll come back, just maybe I can see you one more time, maybe I could feel you bonk me top of my head as you always did, maybe I could sit on the porch and gaze at the stars and enjoy the quiet as we did so many nights. Just maybe Dad.
I know I haven’t always made the right choices, I know I’ve become a hardened person, and I want you and Mom to know this has nothing to do with my up-bringing, this is just how I have allowed myself to be and deal with some instances in life, probably many instances, and it was not my intention to be so hardened. It irritated me for a long time that I would have allowed my parents hard work on me to just be washed away. However, over time, I have found that not to be completely true. I am still here, much of me is tucked away in a tiny impenetrable glass bottle, only to be shared at my free will. So if you’re looking for me, you will find me in the echoes of my laughter during a Nerf War with the kids, during a Nerts game with the kids (which I would love for you to play, its a mix on solitaire that you taught me), and during a dance party, and also on the occasion when work gets a little too stressful, I am in the sudden burst of laughter at something in my mind that makes me laugh to ease the stress. And when I rest almost breathlessly in the awe of the stars, planets,and moon. And also, the true me can be seen in a glimpse of the uncontrollable tears running down my face when I have to tell the children things like the kittens have passed.
I love you and miss you more than words can ever describe, but I do not want these words to slow you down, or hurt you, you and Mom have raised me to be the strong person I am today, and I am fully capable of handling what instances of life we seem to create, but rather, I want these words to show just how loved you are Dad!😃
So Dad, just maybe I will see you in my dreams tonight.